Hidden Struggles: Intimate Partner Violence in LGBTQ+ Relationships

by Jon Scaccia November 12, 2024

We often hear about intimate partner violence (IPV) in heterosexual relationships, with media stories typically centering on abusive men harming women. But what about violence in relationships where both partners identify as part of the LGBTQ+ community? This topic, for far too long, has been hidden in the shadows, but research shows that IPV is just as common, if not more so, in sexual minority couples. In fact, nearly one-third of sexual minority men and one-half of sexual minority women in the U.S. report experiencing psychological or physical IPV at some point in their lives.

So, why don’t we hear more about it? The silence surrounding LGBTQ+ IPV stems from a combination of cultural stigmas, lack of understanding, and minimal tailored support services. For LGBTQ+ individuals, intimate partner violence comes with unique complexities and barriers to getting help, often leaving them more vulnerable.

In this post, we’ll break down the findings from a systematic review (will download .pdf) that analyzed 78 studies on intimate partner violence perpetration in LGBTQ+ relationships. We’ll look at the key factors contributing to IPV in this community and explore how these findings can inform real-world changes in policy and support services.

Understanding IPV in LGBTQ+ Relationships

IPV in LGBTQ+ relationships isn’t just a mirror of what happens in heterosexual couples. It’s shaped by a distinct set of stressors, including discrimination, internalized stigma, and fear of being “outed” by a partner. These factors play a significant role in both the perpetration and victimization of IPV.

For example, sexual minorities may experience “minority stress,” which refers to the chronic social stress that comes from being part of a marginalized group. This can manifest as internalized homophobia, fear of rejection, and the need to conceal one’s identity—all of which strain relationships and, in some cases, lead to violence.

Additionally, the review found that LGBTQ+ individuals are sometimes subjected to specific abusive tactics, such as threats of outing—a particularly potent form of control in societies that still stigmatize non-heteronormative identities. Imagine the fear of having your sexual orientation or gender identity revealed against your will, potentially costing you family relationships, employment, or even personal safety. This fear can trap victims in abusive relationships.

Contributing Factors to IPV in LGBTQ+ Communities

The studies reviewed reveal several factors associated with IPV perpetration in sexual minority populations. These include psychological issues, substance abuse, and family history of violence, but unique LGBTQ+ stressors also play a role. Let’s break these down:

1. Psychological Stress: Many LGBTQ+ individuals face increased psychological burdens. Anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem are common among perpetrators and victims of IPV in this community. However, for sexual minorities, these mental health struggles are often compounded by societal pressures, discrimination, and internalized homophobia.
2. Substance Abuse: The review found a strong link between substance abuse and IPV in LGBTQ+ relationships. Alcohol and drug use can exacerbate tension and conflict, lowering inhibitions and leading to violent behaviors.
3. Family History of Violence: As with heterosexual couples, LGBTQ+ individuals who grew up in violent households are more likely to perpetrate IPV in their own relationships. Early exposure to violence normalizes it, making it a learned behavior in some cases.
4. Sexual Minority-Specific Stressors: The “minority stress” model highlights how LGBTQ+ individuals are more susceptible to violence due to the compounded effects of societal discrimination and stigma. This includes internalized homophobia (self-directed negative feelings about one’s LGBTQ+ identity), fear of being outed, and stress from trying to conform to societal expectations.

These findings suggest that IPV in LGBTQ+ relationships cannot be fully understood without considering the unique social pressures faced by sexual minorities. It’s not enough to apply the same frameworks used for heterosexual couples; interventions must address the specific vulnerabilities of LGBTQ+ individuals.

Why is IPV Among LGBTQ+ People Underreported?

There are multiple reasons why IPV among sexual minorities remains underreported:

1. Fear of Judgment: Many victims fear that coming forward will expose them to further discrimination. Society often overlooks same-sex relationships, and many fear they won’t be taken seriously by law enforcement or support services.
2. Lack of Tailored Services: Most domestic violence services are designed with heterosexual couples in mind, meaning LGBTQ+ individuals often feel out of place or unsupported when seeking help. This lack of representation can prevent them from accessing the resources they need.
3. Cultural Barriers: In many cases, cultural norms within the LGBTQ+ community discourage open discussions about relationship violence. The narrative of LGBTQ+ relationships being “just like heterosexual ones” sometimes discourages people from acknowledging the problems that exist within their community.

What Can Be Done?

To truly tackle IPV in LGBTQ+ relationships, we need a multidimensional approach that addresses not only the individual and relational aspects of violence but also the unique challenges faced by sexual minorities.

1. Tailored Support Services: Creating IPV support services specifically for LGBTQ+ individuals is crucial. These services must be inclusive, affirming, and equipped to handle the specific challenges that sexual minorities face, such as dealing with the threat of being outed or managing internalized homophobia.
2. Education and Awareness: Increasing public awareness about IPV in LGBTQ+ relationships is essential. Many people still believe that IPV is only a heterosexual issue, but with nearly half of sexual minority women and one-third of sexual minority men experiencing violence, this is far from the truth. Education campaigns can help normalize discussions about violence in LGBTQ+ relationships and encourage more individuals to seek help.
3. Policy Changes: Policymakers need to ensure that LGBTQ+ individuals have access to the same protections and services as their heterosexual counterparts. This means passing inclusive domestic violence laws that recognize the unique experiences of LGBTQ+ individuals.

Final Thoughts

Intimate partner violence affects all communities, but for sexual minorities, the stakes are higher. The fear of discrimination, compounded with unique social pressures, creates a perfect storm for violence to thrive in secrecy. As this systematic review shows, it’s time we shine a light on these hidden struggles and create support systems that work for everyone, regardless of sexual orientation or gender identity.

Have you ever considered the impact of societal norms on the way we address intimate partner violence? What steps do you think should be taken to ensure that LGBTQ+ individuals have access to the support they need?

Let’s talk about it in the comments below. Your voice matters.